Behavior Consequences for Kids: A Practical Guide for Parent

Raising kids is no joke. We all want to be the most effective parents possible, making sure our children grow up with a sense of emotional and physical safety, strong connections, clear boundaries, and plenty of patience. But there’s one area of parenting that often leaves us scratching our heads—how do we instill values or virtues like kindness, honesty, fairness, and responsibility in our kids? And at what age should we expect them to grasp these values?

Enter the Behavior Consequence Chart for Kids—a game-changer for parents!

From The Danger of Raising Nice Kids by Timothy Smith (IVP, (c) Timothy Smith 2006) Used with permission.

The Power of the Behavior Consequence Chart

I’m thrilled to share with you Tim Smith’s Consequence Planner for Kids. This chart is not just a guide; it’s an inspiration for parents navigating the tricky waters of discipline and virtue-building. It provides age-appropriate suggestions for positive and negative consequences, helping you reinforce important values in your children from ages 1 to 18. If you liked the Countdown to Independence, you’ll like this too.  Both are free printable at the bottom of this post.

Whether you agree with every detail on the chart or not, it’s a fantastic resource for getting on the right track. And trust me, I get it—sometimes it feels like I’m a couple of years behind where the chart says I should be! But that’s okay. The point is to have a guide, something to steer you in the right direction. I like to keep this handy so I can reference it when I’m at a crossroads.

Using the Behavior Consequence Chart: A Real-Life Example

Let me tell you a quick story. For my eldest son’s 9th birthday, he asked for a new privilege. Now, I know we’ve given him new privileges on past birthdays, but I honestly couldn’t remember what they were.

So, I pulled out my trusty Consequence Planner and found that, at age 9, it suggested focusing on self-control and getting up on time for school. My husband came up with a brilliant idea: give our son an alarm clock. But it was the night before his birthday, and we didn’t have time to buy one. What did we do? We grabbed the alarm clock off my dresser, wrapped it up, and gave it to him. He never noticed the difference!

It was the perfect gift, and it fit right in with the age 9 virtue on the chart. Win!

I Love My Kids But…

Let’s be real—parenting is a roller coaster. Some days we feel like we’re nailing it, and other days are a total challenge. But we keep showing up, doing our best, and trying again. And that’s where tools like the Behavior Consequence Chart come in handy. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about having a plan and adjusting as you go.

Why the Behavior Consequence Chart Works

The chart is structured to grow with your child, offering guidance on how to balance positive reinforcement with appropriate consequences at every stage of development. You can print out the chart at the bottom of this post, but here’s a sneak peek:

Ages 1-2: Consideration
Behavior: Make requests with a normal voice, not screaming.
Positive Consequence: Parent will consider the request.
Negative Consequence: Timeout and request not considered.

Ages 7-8: Fairness
Behavior: Make sure things are “even.”
Positive Consequence: Enjoy playing games and with friends.
Negative Consequence: Loss of a game or friend time.

Ages 16-17: Discernment and Compassion
Behavior: Be alert to dangers and consider others’ needs.
Positive Consequence: Get to drive and choose weekend activities.
Negative Consequence: Loss of driving privileges or a mandatory service day.

And the list goes on, covering everything from self-control at age 9 to independence at age 18. This is similar to the Life Skills Chart, which covers skills your child needs to succeed in life.

Conclusion: A Tool to Guide You Through the Ups and Downs

I asked for permission to use two charts from Tim Smith’s book, The Dangers of Raising Nice Kids—the Consequence Planner (above) and the Countdown to Independence Chart. These two charts have been my go-to guides, and I even considered blowing them up to poster size to hang in my house! Why? Because I need that daily reminder of where I’m going and where I’ve been in this wild journey of parenting.  While I don’t have poster size charts, I do keep this chart tucked in my office door so I can refer to it often. You can download these free charts below.

If The Dangers of Raising Nice Kids interests you, I also highly recommend The Five Love Languages and Boundaries with Children. Both have been game-changers in my parenting journey.

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